Is this in vein?
*VAIN*! Sorry! Slip of the plunger really;
I just forgot how destroyed I become when I’m faced with the damage done by your words and actions.
Can you look at what you have broken?
Who am I to you?
My eye twitches.
It might as well be audible.
My face is a book of micro-expressions constantly screaming my thoughts to the world.
Or do I sound crazy?
IS THIS THING ON?!
Throw me away.
Throw me in with all your trash and clutter and I could learn to make this tomb a home.
That’s what I’m doing now
And now is a time for questions.
How long does it take to change?
Or are we forever destined to be the person our peers think we are?
I guess their perception is more accurate than ours, what with our egos getting in the way of an ‘honest read’ and all.
But so biased are the readings when they are a byproduct of their creator….
And so we go around again.
All we’re trying to do is prove we had no part of the game that was played here.
But are referees not also active members of every game?
It could be argued spectators are too
Without them, it’s just practice after all.
So filthy are we sinners
We wipe our hands clean, hiding dirty pant legs under the table.
We could see them if we looked,
But we’re not expected to hold each other accountable I guess.
Or have the hard conversations with those we care about in a healthy and loving manner.
There are days when I am prepared to face how shitty of a person I have been;
have the capacity to be…..
I am built.
My defenses secure.
I am ready to have the discussion.
Bring in the witnesses.
But oh! How the jury deliberates once it’s the defenses turn to proceed.
Do I actually want to change?
Or is the truth that I do not want to face opposition?
This machine feeds itself
And keeps itself forever hungry.
We dont make a better community avoiding the shitty company,
We do so by becoming the better company we seek to surround ourself with.
And despite their best intentions, active progress cannot be taken from you by anyone
Much less someone who does not wish to see who you can become.
So I carve my boundaries out in soap and silk
And wager that these textiles will attract serpents
So hungry these false power prophets.
They think the injustices they dole out to others go to sleep when they do.
But they’re wrong.
And you’re finding that out, aren’t you?
Which part, you’re not quite sure.
That’s why you sought my company.
But you cannot destroy me anymore.
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